A Royal Pain In My Ass
by Patch Greyson
Summary: *YAOI & Lemon/ Fluff* When Marshall Lee is discovered to be the rightful king of the Candy Kingdom, Prince Gumball comes to bring him home, and train him. Little does he know the pain and pleasure the vampire brings along with him. Narrated by Patch with help from Rentaru (sub-plot :D)
1. Introduction

The Royal Pain in My Ass

Introduction

_Once upon a time, far away in the land of Ooo, there lived a prince made entirely out of bubblegum. His name was-_

Are you seriously going to start the story that way? That's so lame…

_Oh, and who are you to decide how I read this story? Just who are you anyway?_

I have many names, but you can call me Patch.

_Patch? Oh, was that an attempt to frighten me? Where you a part of a gang or something? _

Oi, don't be a poot. And yes, I was a leader. Problem?

_Well, to an extent I do have a problem with you. I don't need some intoxicated swine to come into my reading, and correct my way of telling a story. Now if you don't mind, I would like to tell these young masters and mistresses the tale of Prince Gumball, and King Marshall Lee. _

Whoa there Gramps, you realize you broke into my house in the middle of the night, raided my desk, and are reading my work of fiction….

_Author? You- I thought this was the home of Greyson-sama! _

My name _is _Greyson you old poot!

_Oh my goodness, I do beg your pardon my good sir. My name is Rentaru, and I am a servant at the Bubblegum palace, and these are guests of Princess Bubblegum. I promised her that I'd show them around, and that they would be treated to proper entertainment. The only place I could think of was here, and I needed to read this story. I don't know what I was thinking, and it was very rude of us to barge in here uninvited. You don't even know who we are! I'm so very sorry, please beg my pardon. _

Its fine Don't even rawr dinosaur, it's just that…. I am not about tradition. I'm all about…. My own style, you dig? 

_I think I … 'dig'. So, I suppose we should be leaving now… Sorry to intrude…_

Hey, can I make a deal with you? In return for some information, I'll allow you all to stay, and I'll tell you the story. Deal?

_Alright, that seems fine. But, what do you want to know?_

How the Hell did you get into my house?

…_Story first. I'm not an idiot you know._

Fair enough…..

Fine.

As I sat down in my chair, I opened the book. I waited as the small group of foreigners sat on the floor around me, anticipation growing on their faces as I place my thick rimmed glasses on my nose. Being as old as I am, my eyesight has gone to the dogs, even though I am a vampire. But, at least I'm not as blind as Marceline yet, she wears her contacts all the time. With a smile, I turned to the first page, and began my tale.

XxXxXx

(A/N: I hope you enjoyed the intro, even though it really has nothing to do with the story, but I thought it would be an interesting little sub plot or something Please review, comment, rant, cry, or even request, and I'll do my best to make everyone's wishes come true!

-Love, shits, and giggles,

Patch Greyson.)


	2. The Founding of a New King

Chapter 1- The Finding of a King

Venturing in the darkness of Ooo is one place one never wants to travel, especially me. I am particularly not found of dark and damp caves. Yet, here I am, walking into what looks like a cave that will ultimately lead to my death. I don't want to be here…. I want to go home….

"Prince Gumball, are you alright? If you are feeling tired, we can rest before we head in. I think that he will still be in there for another 10 minutes."

"Make it 20…" I sighed, sitting on the nearest boulder. The scenery around us was rather damp, and moss infested. But through the canopy, a few rays of sunlight shone on my face. The warmth was so comforting; I found my eyes closing almost instantly.

"Prince Gumball, sir, we should start heading in now. I don't think we should lose anymore daylight than we already have. It's nearing 6, and you have a dinner date at 7:30." The banana guard shook my shoulder gently, easing me out of my dozing state.

"Thank you… what's your name?" I asked, embarrassed due to the fact we had been talking for the last 2 hours straight.

"Nancy, sir…" she looked a little annoyed at my stupid question, so I tried to play it off as best as I could.

"Well, Nancy… let's be off then. I hope things run smoothly. I don't want to disappoint Fiona in being late." With that, we began our journey into the cave.

Within the next fifteen minutes, we walked into a clearing, and a decent amount of light was filtered in through a skylight in the ceiling of the cave. Right in the middle of the clearing stood a small blue house, a mail box, and a small child's pool. On either side of the entryway stood a pink lawn flamingo, and to the left of the door was a small doorbell.

To my surprise, this seemed almost laughable. But, if I laughed in a situation like this… I think he would kill me for sure. He is a vampire after all…

I walked up to the ridiculously suburban door, and rang the door bell, stepping back and allowing Nancy to step in front of me. We sat there for a minute or two before we heard footsteps on the other side of the door.

"I'm coming, hold on!" a rather large voice came from the unopened screen door.

The door opened, showing a tall boy, maybe my age or older standing, I mean floating, in front of us. To my surprise, he was dressed in a regular t-shirt and ripped jeans. There was no cape, no medallion, and his fangs weren't even that noticeable.

He was actually… very attractive, and his eyes were so… dark…

"Can I help you?" he asked, floating a little bit backwards from Nancy. He seemed a little intimidated by her just standing there.

"Um, hello there." I smiled, stepping in front of Nancy. "My name is Gumball, and are you Marshall Lee?" I held out my hand shake, but was greeted with a fist bump.

"Yeah, and what do I owe the pleasure of the prince himself? What did I do this time, not pay enough taxes or something?" he sneered, realizing who I was. He turned away from me, motioning for us to follow him inside. I didn't know what to do, so I walked in and just stood there as Nancy waited outside, guarding us no doubt.

"No… and it's come to my attention you don't pay taxes anyway." I smiled back, crossing my arms across my chest, trying not to be awkward.

"So what is it?" he came closer, sitting down on his plush couch, his feet resting on his small dirty coffee table.

"This is very hard to explain, so just hear me out alright?" I started, sitting down in a reclining chair that reeked of cologne. It smelled sort of musky with a hint of wood. I love the smell of wood…

"I was looking through the royal family registers yesterday, and was adding Hotdog Prince's new pups into his register, when this fell out from one of the older files. I don't know how someone could've missed information as crucial as this, but I had to come and bothered you for this purpose."

I reached into my bag, and pulled out the envelope that would change his life forever. Standing slightly, I gently placed the parcel on his lap, and then took my seat again.

Slowly, he opened it up and pulled out its contents. As he read through his birth certificate and his family tree, his eyes grew wider and wider.

Soon, a deep frown and furrowed eyebrows contorted his face into one of anger. He looked up, his gaze piercing my face like a sharp dagger.

"You know… I have been around for a good thousand years, and never in my life, was I thrown a bigger crock of shit… But this… I don't even think words can describe how… how pissed I am… How could your people not find something _this_ important centuries ago?"

He slowly rose from his seat, and actually landed on his feet.

"I am so sorry for the inconvenience, but this was honestly the first time I have ever been near those documents. I have no idea how someone could lose something this important, and I completely understand if you don't wish to take your rightful place as king… but I thought that this would be for the best. I will leave you to this, and if you ever need anything, come to me, and I will do everything in my power to get what you want. Please take your time…" I smiled shyly, bowing.

I didn't expect things to get this out of hand, and I most definitely did not for-see the anger that he would spew out. He was so docile when I first met him, and I think that showing him those papers just ruined his life… The least I could do is give him anything he wants.

"Wait…" he grabbed my arm gently, pulling me back into the sitting room. I turned around, and looked up to meet his eyes. All I could see was a deep sadness, and loneliness that multiplied by the second. What have I done?

"Yes?" I asked, uncertainty spilling out of every orifice as he stepped closer.

"If… if I became 'king'… what would I have to do? I mean, I'm… I'm one of the only vampires left alive in Ooo, who would I be ruling over?"

He looked so desperate for my answer, as if I were going to tell him all of his people were continently placed back in Ooo… but he is actually one of the last ones left.

"You … you would rule beside me, as king of the Candy Kingdom. If you read the documents, our ancestors are bonded by a truce in the wars of the Cats and the Monochromicorns. But, it is your decision, so do not force yourself…" I couldn't help but look away from his eyes as they bore holes in my head.

What I said was in fact the truth, but I didn't think I'd have to tell him so soon… I didn't really come prepared…

"If… if it means filling out the will of my people… I'll do anything. But, I think you'll have to teach me all that royal bizz, because I know nothing of fanciful living." He semi-joked, walking into his bedroom. I stood there in shock for a moment. 'Did he just say… he'd do it? I… was expecting a "Get lost fruit-loop!" or even a "Go die somewhere!" … I didn't expect such a noble answer from him.

I guess I misjudged the soon-to-be-king of the Candy Kingdom…

**XxXxXx**

"So what happens next?" a teenage girl sitting in the front asked, her eyes lighting up with admiration.

I smiled down at her, readjusting the glasses on my nose. "Well now, I'm pleased to hear you're interested in this little story of mine ."

"Of course! Is Marshall Lee like… hot?" she practically squealed, sitting even closer to me on the floor.

"Yes, he is very handsome. Almost as handsome as myself." I winked, moving a silver strand of hair out of my face for emphasis. Girls… they are so cute 3

(A/N: Thank you for reading, and I hope to see you soon

Love, Shits, and Giggles,

Patch Greyson) 


	3. First Stop, Candy Kingdom!

Chapter 2 First Stop, Candy Kingdom!

As I sat on the extremely amazing smelling chair, I couldn't help but flinch whenever I heard him moving his things around in the next room. This is way beyond what I expected of him. When he agreed to come back with me, I didn't think he would just jump on the band wagon, let alone rush for 'the sake of his people'. I found that to be very… charming of him.

"Almost ready!" he called from where I presumed was his room.

"Take your time!" I replied, sinking further into the recliner. It was green, and was just so soft; I couldn't help but wish I had something this… homey in my own castle. But everything is so polished, making the furniture so much less comfortable than I thought this chair to be.

For a few minutes, I just wanted to rush in and tell him that I was kidding, and he was being pranked. I kind of almost wished I had, so that he wouldn't be introduced to the complicated life of a ruler. There are barely any freedoms we get to have, and no one ever treats you the way they really want to treat you. The people that live in my kingdom are sort of …_fake_. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love every candy citizen, but when it comes down to it, I always wonder if being a prince is really all it's cracked up to be.

"Ready." He said, drawing me out of my loathing thoughts. Looking at him closer, he looked sort of worn out; like he was ready to just go to sleep and forget about the bomb I had dropped on him. I felt somewhat guilty as he floated towards that door. I just let the words spill without a second thought.

"You know… you don't have to do this. You can remain here, living comfortably and care free." I almost whispered the words, earning an odd look from the vampire.

"I know." He suddenly smiled, his eyes looking a bit livelier than before. Somehow, it made me feel a bit more awake myself.

Slowly, I removed myself from the chair, saying a sad goodbye in my head as we walked out the door.

"Are you ready your highness?" Nancy asked, bowing slightly before Marshall. I could feel him tense slightly from where I stood, but when I got a closer look of his face; an unexpected blush arose on his cheeks, almost tinting the pale vampire skin of his ears. He smiled endearingly, and replied "Only if you are, Mam."

Nancy almost gasped aloud, obviously swooning over him and his velvety tone.

'So he's a womanizer, ehh?' I sighed in my head, yet finding myself smiling as we began our long journey home.

XxXxXx

"So… what's the palace life like?" Marshall asked nonchalantly, floating alongside me as we ventured through the Cotton Candy Forest. His tone was a little unsure, but I knew he wasn't about to back out now.

"Well, that can only be determined by you I think. But personally, I don't necessarily mind it. I like working in the labs, and I like the expeditions we go on sometimes…" I paused, trying to really think how much I honestly liked being the prince of the Candy Kingdom…

"Well, what about the people? Are they friendly?" he seemed adamant about the people, and I think he really was letting anxiety get the better of him.

"The people are very nice, and I think they'll like you. You are… unique." I smiled, trying to find the right words for reassurance.

"They all love music… and I see you have a guitar." I pointed to the large axe- like instrument slung over his shoulder.

"It's a bass." He laughed, turning it around to where he could easily play it. As he started strumming, he seemed to lose himself, chord after chord he would move his fingers. The sound was just so… amazing!

"Wow, you are totally obese at that, Marshall!" I exclaimed, stopping the wonderful music.

"Thanks, man… Gumball, right?" he smiled. That smile… I swear his teeth are like perfect white gems. Does he have a grill? (A/N: How does he even know what that is?! xD)

Not paying attention to where I was going, I walked into a lollipop tree, knocking myself right on my bum.

"Bahahahaha, oh man… you are the most graceful prince I've ever seen!" he started cracking up, holding his sides as he floated further and further away into the sky. His laugh was almost too genuine, and started to make me laugh too; I just couldn't help it.

"Well, I guess I'm just one of a kind." I chuckled in a sarcastic tone.

"Dude… I know what I should call you!" he began to laugh harder as he let his _genius_ rot his mind.

"… What?" I asked unsurely, brushing myself off as I stood.

"GUMBUTT! Hahahaha!" I could see tears forming in his eyes as he let himself float lower and lower to my level.

"Oh, ha-ha. You are a flipping genius. Can we go now, it's really late, and I have… Oh my goodness! We have to hurry home, Fiona is waiting for us! Let's get to it!" I exclaimed, jogging to catch up with Nancy who just left us behind. (Seriously, I need to have a talk with that woman!)

"Who's Fiona?" he asked, finally calming down from his high.

"She is my knight, and close friend." I smiled, thinking of the last time she and Cake saved me from the Ice Queen.

"… A girl knight? Wow, your kingdom is sounding better and better by the minute!" he smiled, picking up his pace as he caught word of Fiona.

"Yes, she is waiting for us. I told her about you, and she is looking forward to meeting you." I smiled. Yet, saying those words… I didn't like the way they sounded coming from my mouth. It just didn't have a good ring to it, and I couldn't place my finger on as to why.

"Come now Gumbutt, for we ride at dawn and the beautiful Wynonna is waiting for us!" he exclaimed, holding his axe in the air as if it were his mighty sword.

"It's Fiona…"I laughed, jogging behind him.

"No one asked you!" he called from ahead of me. I hope he likes his new home… I think I can see something bright in his future; I just have a Gumbutt-feeling.

XxXxXx

"Isn't that kind of rude?" Rentaru asked, situating himself in his seat.

"What, Gumbutt?" I asked, moving my glasses on my head to see him more clearly.

"Yes, couldn't it be something more like… Gumball?" he asked, giving me a sort of skeptical I-know-more-than-you-because-I've lived-longer kind of stare.

"Well, when you start writing, I'll let you name your characters 'Jim' for all I care. Now, if you don't mind, I have a story to read." I said, harrumphing in my chair.

Thinking about it now… I write a lot about chairs… Oh well

(A/N: Thank you so much for the positive feedback you guys! It really means the world to me that with this silly fairy tale, you guys seem so into it I will do my best to update as often as I can, and I promise that Wynonna and Cake will be in the next one: D Thanks, and have a magical day ;D

Rentaru: It's Fiona…

Patch: NO ONE ASKED YOU! *hiss hiss*

Love, shits, and giggles,

Patch Greyson)


End file.
